Friday, October 28, 2005
this uplifting tale begins with our hapless hero and chump (that's me), and the now ex-wife entering ventura's PACIFIC VIEW MALL. they casually stroll through the SEARS shoe department and take the escalator to the second floor. holding hands the chump and his wife exit the girl's clothing section and walk the wide passage-way to the CINGULAR cellphone kiosk. the wifey wants a new and improved phone.
the kiosk is manned by two young men. both are amateurish salesmen and i rapidly become put-off by them. wifey, in her overly helpful way, replaces a phone in its box and fumbles with the carton's lid. i touch her arm and say, "let the salesman do that". the wife half turns her head towards me and hisses in an angry tone, "i don't appreciate you grabbing my arm!". i don't say a word. through my dark glasses i glance at the salesman. he has a smirk on his face.
the rest of the day passes without comment on what transpired. i become cool, slightly detached. that evening, while the wife takes a nap before going to work the night shift, i gather several articles of clothing, my wallet, passport and another item or two. the bird is brought in, windows are shut and locked and a small table lamp in the kitchen is turned on. i go to my car, start it, back out of the carport and slowly drive away.
the wifey was calmly told after the first time she embarassed me in public that the next incident would be the last. hopefully she'll remember my words as she wonders where i've gone.
weatherwise, the south indian state of kerala is becoming pleasant this time of year. a meal of fish curry over red rice and a bhang lassi will act as a nice restorative.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
a used toothbrush can gain a new life as a bong screen cleaner. the frequent use of kashmiri hash will quickly clog your screen; making that old brush handy to have around.
i opened the bedroom window and then sat against the wall. removing the fly-screen created a noticible difference in the view and feel. distant objects look clearer and sounds have a feeling of "fullness" that was previously absent . i gazed out at nothing in particular.
AN IDEA
scanning a listing of meat markets i stop at KARABAGH MEAT AND DELI. the phone rings one, two, three, four times....
a women with a slight eastern european accent answers: hello?
i jovially say: howdie!
she: (laughing) howdie.
me: do you sell squirrel meat?
she: squirrel meat!?
me: yes, do you sell squirrel meat?
she: oh no! we only sell kosher....is squirrel kosher....no its not possible!?
me: can the squirrel be made kosher....maybe?
she: huh! kosher squirrel....this is....you eat squirrel!?
me: yeah, i love it especially squirrel pie.
she: what! a pie!? (pause) what does it taste like....chicken right.
me: noooo! i'd buy chicken instead....if you can make it kosher you should try it.
she: i have these animals in my backyard.
me: (laughing) good, you can catch a few and cook them fresh!
she: (laughing too) okay....well i must tell you goodbye....and good luck finding your squirrel.
me: and goodbye to you too and have a nice day.
she: thank you and you do too. bye-bye.
me: bye.
kosher squirrel - who knew?
Thursday, October 06, 2005
the wife had been bugging me about camping at HARBIN HOT SPRINGS for some time. she's gone there several times and is quite enthusiastic about the place. because it involves a very long drive i've always found an excuse not to go. i finally decided to toss in the towel and give it a try.
in order to make the trip tolerable for me the wifey suggested making an overnite stop at BIG SUR. sure, why not. after driving for 5-1/2 hours we stopped at the camp site. it was foggy and a bit chilly, but i was determined to live in the moment and not complain about anything. unfortunately, wifey, the experienced camper, was not as determined. i'll spare you the details as she was just warming up. otherwise, my first nite under the stars passed uneventfully.
the next morning i suggested that wifey eat one of the several hash brownies she baked. i figured it would keep her pacified until we reached HARBIN. right? WRONG! she threw a couple more minor fits before we reached camp. and i did all the driving! whatever.
after stopping in NAPA for a wine tasting, we arrived at HARBIN mid-afternoon. the area is quite pleasant with hills, forest and even a small river. i felt very relaxed and was prepared for a nice quiet stay. the wifey had other ideas though. completely dis-satisfied with the place we were pitching the tent, she had a total bitch-fit. things were tossed about and thrown around. after which she marched off to the hot springs to "center" herself.
i put up the tent, sorted things out and then "centered" myself with a bowl of humboldt hash. AHHH-NATURE! feeling properly "centered" i enjoyed a leisurely walk to the hot springs via a hillside trail. along the way i passed a few small deer and a wicket of wild turkeys. very nice.
as HARBIN is clothing optional i got to experience another first, public nudity. now the wifey had informed me of the proper etiquette that is expected. and i really wanted to fit in. but when you suddenly come face-to-face with so much young (and not so young) nude female flesh, well.....
besides the wife was nowhere in sight ;-)
Warn: (0%)
Sunday, October 02, 2005
